There are instances when a family member’s reaction may seem abrupt or unexpected to outsiders. This could result from either a temporary occurrence or the culmination of pent-up emotions. This individual might display heightened volume and aggressiveness, potentially appearing impolite, irrational, or unsympathetic to others. Hence, the question arises: Who truly lacks sensitivity? Is it the individual who suddenly displays aggression, or is it the one who, through prolonged insensitivity, has triggered this aggressive response? In essence, while discourteous or loud behavior is never condoned, the underlying cause may not necessarily originate from the person deemed aggressive and insensitive. Instead, it could stem from the person who initially exhibited rudeness and insensitivity, thereby provoking such a state of aggression in the other.
As the family members experience growth over time, their requirements for both physical space and emotional expression expand. This expansion may arise due to increased involvement in various activities and a greater need for interaction. It could also be triggered by the fact that as they mature, they are faced with more substantial decisions that have significant repercussions on each other. These decisions are not about trivial matters like choosing a movie or a restaurant; instead, they involve more crucial aspects such as asset sales, investment choices, or conflicts related to values and behaviors.
The family unit gathers under a single roof based on its resourcefulness. As the family grows, it begins to seek additional resources, space, privacy, autonomy, and exclusivity. However, if this physical space or exclusivity is breached insensitively by prioritizing one member’s feelings or needs over the other and making unilateral decisions, it can hinder the growth and emotional development of one member while allowing another to take undue advantage. This inequality in sensitivity within the relationship dynamics can lead to one member dominating others over time. This is acceptable when it arises from genuine respect and sensitivity, rather than a lack of resources. Resourcefulness tends to improve over time as more members contribute financially, leading to greater income and resources. Conversely, a decline in resources can weaken the family unit. Nevertheless, a family can endure as a strong entity if there is mutual respect and equal sensitivity, avoiding the mentality that one’s needs consistently outweigh others’ or that dominance is acceptable.
Picture a scenario where two family members have separate spaces to function. However, one member consistently imposes their dominance over the other, encroaching on their privacy and territory without seeking permission, and making alterations based on their dominant behavior. The more sensitive individual might tolerate this dominant behavior initially. Yet, they subtly convey that such dominance is unwelcome and should cease. Despite these gentle requests and feedback, the dominant behavior persists. This repeated action will undoubtedly erode the relationship between these two members. This erosion occurs for two reasons. First, the dominator begins to take the other person’s emotions or sensitivities for granted. Second, the individual losing their voice and failing to be heard becomes labeled as weak, lacking sensitivity and deserving of less respect. Consequently, when feedback and pleas are consistently ignored, the suppressed person may eventually resort to becoming forceful and outspoken in hopes that their forceful expression will finally receive attention
At any given moment, if the less assertive individual remains quiet, it shouldn’t be interpreted as contentment with the dominating conduct. This person may not consistently exhibit loudness or aggression. It’s possible that they perceive the other’s dominance as something they can endure, or they strive to build tolerance, hoping that the dominating individual will eventually evolve for the better.
When disparities in individual sensitivities emerge, causing the erosion of respect within a relationship, the scarcity of resources can have a profoundly negative and cumulative impact on each party involved. Daily life can become a torment, particularly for those who have demonstrated care and sensitivity, continually yielding their personal space and extending forgiveness. Those taken for granted experience the depletion of respect, turning the once unconditional bond conditional. The core values that define relationships, like “father,” are compromised. Even love, affection, and protection become conditional, disproportionately affecting the more sensitive individual in the family.
Family relationships take on a corporate-like façade, devolving into superficial tags and slogans. Imagine family members resorting to written communication, unable to engage in direct conversation. Mutual respect evaporates, replaced by strained exchanges and confrontations, even in front of guests or household staff. Sarcasm and intolerance creep into interactions with relatives and neighbors, tarnishing the unit’s cohesion. The once-unified family loses its equilibrium, spiraling into disarray. Instead of a harmonious collective, it transforms into a cluster of individuals perpetually embroiled in petty conflicts due to their growing intolerance. Trust and faith in each other begin to wane, particularly among those who are sensitive and vulnerable. A pervasive fear of being harmed by the dominant position takes root, a distressing sentiment to experience within a family.
Imagine a scenario where the domineering and insensitive individual not only consistently encroaches upon the other person’s rightful space but also introduces an external party to share that space unilaterally. The dominating figure not only imposes this unilateral decision but also invites an outsider to utilize the space without seeking permission or consent, even if temporarily. Such circumstances would irreparably break the relationship. The suppressed individual would be driven to isolation and aggression, eventually becoming a subject of mockery if this state persists.
Raising their voice only paints them as tormented, conveying failure and worthlessness in their endeavors and relationships—a glaring lack of respect. What follows hinges on the extent to which the three foundational principles are violated and exploited. Would the sensitive party perceive it as tolerable, as it did in the past, blaming itself for outbursts? Alternatively, will they seek the root cause, eliminate the triggers, restore the principles, most importantly unconditional respect, and thwart the need to prove their roles within the family?
Weakness lies not in sensitivity; it’s a strength. Weakness is allowing oneself to be taken for granted. It’s surrendering control, displaying a dearth of determination and urgency to rectify matters. Weakness is adopting the victim’s role instead of proactively charting a path forward. Taking control is imperative, especially if relationships deteriorate and values erode. The so-called “weaker” individual must make tough decisions, take charge, and enforce boundaries—physically, legally, or otherwise—sending a clear message about others exceeding sensitivity and boundaries disrespectfully.
Beyond a certain point, it becomes a matter of survival. The weaker party doesn’t intend to succumb or take drastic measures; rather, they should hold themselves accountable for their happiness. We must nurture bravery, especially in our daughters, teaching them to stand up against insensitivity and disrespect. Remember, without unconditional respect, there’s no family, just a collection of individuals under one roof. Who should triumph in such a situation—the sensitive or the dominating? Truth and goodness will eventually prevail over malice and evil, but only if one exists with courage, preventing self-extinction by allowing dominance to prevail.
Inviting an external party into a member’s space and making that decision without agreement signifies depriving the individual in terms of all three aspects: lacking respect, disregarding others’ requirement for space or privacy, and lacking resourcefulness to find an alternative solution. This situation pushes the person to a point of “survival with no dignity and self-identity.”
Over time, occurrences like these within a family can lead individuals to experience heightened levels of distress in their lives. If these dynamics are recognized early on, it can be beneficial for a child’s development. Every child deserves the same opportunities for personal growth, privacy, and affection, regardless of their performance in education, sports, or other activities. Ensuring that respect, resourcefulness, and sensitivities are inherent within the family creates an environment of love, care, and protection for those who are more vulnerable, rather than allowing dominant individuals or external factors to suppress them.
Being sensitive, emotional, or introverted should not be equated with weakness or a lack of voice and self-identity. Those who possess such qualities may be yielding their space for the sake of others due to their heightened sensitivity and tolerance, even in situations of inequality and injustice.
Nonetheless, the initial perception often leans towards a lack of voice and self-identity. This perception isn’t a reflection of any flaw in the emotionally sensitive or caring individual, but rather highlights the shortcomings of others who exploit and violate the core principles of unconditional respect, sensitivity, and equality. Such actions involve prioritizing one’s own needs over others, imposing decisions without seeking permission, and demanding conformity to a specific lifestyle dictated by the dominant or insensitive party. This approach essentially makes the weaker person adapt around the dominant figure, minimizing the significance of their voice and needs.
Parents face a complex set of challenges when they must initially intervene to reinstate these foundational principles at their level and subsequently ensure that they aren’t taken advantage of by other family members. In the context of a joint family, grandparents can play a mediating role between the two families, fostering respect for personal spaces, sensitivities, and both financial and non-financial resources to promote mutual growth and structure. The encroachment upon physical spaces often translates into a loss of control or intrusion in mental spaces. The same space intended to provide unconditional respect, nurture love, affection, and protection for those who are more sensitive, financially challenged, or weaker, paradoxically transforms into a setting that mentally torments them, creating an environment akin to a psychological or physical confinement.
Adding to the distress is the fact that those who should be more caring or have been depriving others of respect, sensitivity, and resources, end up blaming the affected party itself. The term “family” loses its meaning when its members re
How can we safeguard the harmony of family life, which rests upon the three pillars of respect, sensitivity, and resourcefulness, from being undermined by both internal and external influences? One approach involves establishing well-defined rules and ensuring they are understood by all members. These rules should be reinforced with effective measures, initially as a preventive action, until such measures become unnecessary.
When a family stands united upon these three pillars in perfect harmony, they will advance collectively and swiftly, attaining success and sharing life’s joy. Disruption of this harmony further distances them from one another. However, when in sync, even setbacks can become opportunities for them to return stronger and better, eventually.
Therefore, proceed to clearly outline the guidelines, akin to those in sports or the constitution of a nation that binds citizens together—meticulously conceived, well-articulated, documented, and communicated to all family members. Take measures to fortify the family unit. If a member veers from these principles, amend the playbook and regulations accordingly. These rules may evolve, growing stricter or being discarded over time. However, ensure these rules don’t unintentionally transform into a tool for unconditional dominance. As family members mature intellectually, allow them to update the rulebook or redefine the ideals that shape life or family.
Feel free to consider whether a family’s existence could be flawed if it operates harmoniously based on the three principles: unwavering respect, equitable sensitivity, and rightful resourcefulness for one another.
